i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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