I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
