I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
is wine microwaveable?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
