how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
