All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
