Can i not drive my cunt home
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize