Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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