I looked at my own cervix.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I got inside last night via doggy door
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