I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
