Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
