his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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