Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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