just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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