So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
