I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
