she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
