I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
