Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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