Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
he shaved USA in his pubs
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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