Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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