My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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