I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
