I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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