whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
NoShamevember. You game?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
