She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
