I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
