Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
