Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
