i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
