ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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