seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
