he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
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The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
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we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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