put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
