she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
