i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
