This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You can't just leave with hair like that
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
