I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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