TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
vagina is talking i cant
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
