I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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