it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
