she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
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I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
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I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
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