Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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