Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
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We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
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Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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