I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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