who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
