he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
