Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
