i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
