I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
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Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
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We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.