Me. At least after what I've been through.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
