I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
