I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
