just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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