the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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