So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
