break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
