alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
