if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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