i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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