I'm going to rape someone's good day.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
