Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
