im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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