We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
