I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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