Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
