so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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