The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
