from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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