"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
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I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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