You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
