why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
